Are you clonesome tonight?
09.01.47: THE LAZARUS CORPORATION has announced plans to re-create Elvis Presley and other long-dead stars of the 20th century.
Despite earthly opposition to their proposals, the lunar venture capital start-up company claims it is exempt from terrestrial regulations prohibiting human cloning.
"This is serious business and we're in this long-term," said company spokesman Nigel Punter. "Our first investment is in Elvis and he'll take 16 to 18 years to grow and train."
During the birthing and preparation of the Elvis clone, Lazarus plans to recreate the environmental circumstances that conditioned his greatness. Emphasis will be on his musical education.
Luton-born Punter is wanted in America for grave-robbing: he has had to raid celebrity graves for DNA to fulfil his vision.
The cloning programme involves grafting Elvis's DNA into a denucleated egg, which is then grown in an artificial womb.
"We expect his comeback concert to be among the biggest pay-per-view events in the WorldWeb's history," said a Lazarus statement.
That could mean up to E$25 billion for a global pay-per-view download in 2066, when Elvis II will be ready to perform a mythic re-creation. Participation bonds in the project are being sold on Lunex, the tax-free extraterrestrial investment exchange. But a spokesman for the Presley estate said their lawyers were preparing to take action.
Proposed Global Federation legislation to improve space jurisdiction may also prevent Lazarus from fulfilling its plans. Neuroscientists were also sceptical. "He may look like Elvis, but he won't be Elvis and he may well rebel," said Professor Jale McMullan of Oxford University.
But Punter remained optimistic: "We don't need much DNA but we do need to harvest the grave sites. The only insurmountable problem is cremation, which leaves us without much to work on. That aside, we are talking about sustained profits."
Other top candidates for resurrection under the Lazarus business plan include Greta Garbo, Marilyn Monroe and Pelé. JM